Your Conductivity Reading

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Ufff… suddenly I need more time, more certainty, or more information first. FML

I make the decision privately, promise myself “this time for real”… then act differently once other people are involved.

I do move on it… aaand keep mentally revisiting whether I did the right thing or not afterwards…?

You spent yesterday thinking, strategising, meditating, journaling, and by bedtime, you knew your next aligned step. You wake up today and…?

Honestly? I feel annoyed at myself that I’m apparently STILL here again.

Part of me can see the pattern clearly while another part is fully inside the pattern at the exact same time.

I’m learning that noticing the pattern sooner IS the progress, not proof that I’ve failed.

I am centred, so when the pattern appears, my response comes from presence, not from the pattern.

You notice yourself repeating a pattern you’ve already healed / journaled / processed / had insights about before. What happens next internally?

Replaying a conversation from 7 years ago, remembering the exact tone, then somehow connecting it to today like, “cool, apparently we’re doing this now.”

Running the day before the day has even started — messages, money, work, timing, what needs fixing, who needs what, what could go sideways.

Landing in the body before the world gets in — breath, gratitude, tiny moment of “okay, I’m here.”

I inhabit myself before I inhabit the day.

It’s a random Tuesday morning and before you even get out of bed your brain is already…?

My body relaxes for 3 seconds… then my brain starts listing everything I should, could, get to, or have to be doing instead and I’m suddenly all over the place at once. Furry of ADHD.

I make the evening nourishing for myself… aaand still somehow end up checking emails/messages/work stuff halfway through.

You finally have a full evening alone. No plans, no emergencies, nobody needing anything from you. What happens first?

I rewrite it 14 times trying to make sure it doesn’t sound “too much,” “too emotional,” “too needy,” “too cold”… honestly pick a flavour.

I can usually say the true thing now… but I do feel the adrenaline spike of “oh god I really said it.” Oh well, now it’s done…

I’ve stopped confusing other people’s discomfort with me doing something wrong by now. Ain’t my circus.

I inhabit the truth before I send it. By the time it leaves me, my body has already said yes.

You’re about to send THE message / say the thing / express your truth… and right before you press send, what happens?

Sooo obviously within 12 minutes I’m suddenly reconsidering my entire existence, personality, career path, and whether I should just disappear into a forest and spend way too much money on tarot readers.

I keep showing up externally… but internally I’m low-key scanning for signs that everyone can tell I have no idea what I’m doing while battling fear/doubt ping-pongs.

I genuinely believe in what I’m building… aaand also occasionally fantasize about burning everything to the ground. Then I cry, get my period, and I’m back on it.

The fear can still move through, but it doesn’t erase my orientation. I’ve returned to myself enough times to trust the reentry.

You finally start building the thing you actually care about — the business, project, art, offering, new chapter — and it’s not immediately working, validated, clear, or succeeding yet. What happens internally?

Cool cool cool… let me now investigate every possible thing I could’ve done wrong.

Feels the old familiar “oh shit, I might lose them / disappoint them / be too much” and suddenly I’m not fully in my body anymore.

I feel the emotional pull, but I can USUALLY stop myself from getting fully sucked into it. And hold space.

I let their shift belong to them. I remain present.

Someone you care about’s tone shifts, they pull back, question you, misunderstand you, and you sense the vibe change. Before you even decide what to say, your body already…?

The moment I feel fully open, another part of me immediately starts monitoring how I’m being perceived and I basically leave my body to go supervise the situation from headquarters (my head).

I crave deep connection… but when it’s actually there, my nervous system starts confusing safety, intensity, vulnerability, chemistry, childhood wounds and God knows what else — and suddenly I forgot how to receive.

I can stay present in pleasure more now… even if parts of me still tense up, overthink, or randomly remember I have a physical form and become self-aware mid-moment. Sexy.

Pleasure gets louder, freer, messier, and way more alive now that my body finally gets to lead.