Adapter

Caregiver

Harmonizer

Prover

Disconnector

Are You a People-Pleaser?

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The assessment

I immediately start thinking about how I could make it work anyway.

I think about what will happen to them if I don’t help.

I want to say no, but their possible disappointment already feels uncomfortable.

I feel pressure to show that I am reliable and can handle it.

I start wondering whether what I want really matters that much.

I find myself changing my preference to match theirs.

I choose what I think would make things easier or better for them.

I worry that standing by what I want could create tension between us.

I want to do better and show that I can meet their expectations.

I start wondering whether my own judgment was wrong.

I become uncomfortable with the tension and want things between us to feel okay again.

I start thinking about what they might need from me now.

I become so focused on what they are feeling that my own feelings become harder to notice.

I feel I should stay strong, helpful, or reliable for them.

I quickly put aside or change my own plans to fit around what they are going through.

I immediately start thinking about what they need from me.

I hesitate to say something because I don’t want conflict or distance between us.

I start relaxing or changing my boundary to make the situation easier.

I worry that speaking up might make me seem difficult, demanding, or unreasonable.

I start wondering whether what happened was really important enough to say something about.

I feel uncomfortable receiving without giving something back.

I start thinking about whether they might need the support more than I do.

I feel uneasy about how receiving might change the balance between us.

I accept less support than I actually need so I don’t ask too much of them.

I quickly start thinking about their side and what they may be going through.

After a while, I start wondering whether I even have a right to be angry.

I tone down what I really feel before saying anything.

I keep the anger to myself because conflict feels worse than staying quiet.

I worry that saying no could make things awkward or tense.

Part of me wants to show that I am capable and dependable.

I wonder whether I have a good enough reason to say no.

I automatically start thinking about how I could adjust my schedule to fit it in.

I went along with several things I would not have chosen myself.

I spent a lot of energy making sure everyone else was okay.

I paid a lot of attention to whether I was being useful, helpful, or interesting enough.

I need some time alone before I can tell how the day actually felt for me.

Their reaction makes me question whether my decision was actually right.

Their disappointment makes me uncomfortable, and I want things between us to feel okay again.

I start thinking more about how my decision affects them than about why I made it.

I start wondering whether my decision makes me seem selfish, unreliable, or uncaring.

Other people still need things from me, and I find it hard to stop helping.

I feel that I should be able to handle it without slowing down or asking for help.

I keep putting my own plans aside so I can fit around what others are expecting from me.

Slowing down would mean disappointing people or having difficult conversations.

Dealing with the other person’s disappointment, irritation, or silence afterward.

Sticking to my no if they keep asking or trying to change my mind.

Not starting to doubt myself when they disagree with my no.

Knowing that saying no might make things harder for them.

I slowly start changing my plans so there is less difference between what they want and what I want.

I avoid talking about it too much because I don’t want ongoing tension.

I feel pressure to make the “right” choice and be someone they can respect or be proud of.

Their confidence makes me start doubting whether my own choice makes sense.

I don’t like being the one who needs help or cannot manage everything alone.

I start wondering whether what I need is really important enough to ask for.

I worry about making things harder for them.

Let other adults handle their own feelings and problems, instead of feeling responsible for them.

Allow someone to be disappointed with me without trying to fix it.

Are You a People-Pleaser?

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