WHO ARE YOU ACTUALLY TRAUMA BONDED TO?

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I'm with someone. I don't know if I'd call it toxic, but I'm confused a lot, questioning myself, or waiting for things to get better.

I'm with someone. I know is toxic or hurting me. I know I should leave, but actually doing it feels impossible. I feel stuck, alone and confused.

I'm single, but somehow I keep attracting different versions of the same toxic or emotionally unavailable man.

Men aren't really the centre of this for me anymore. I've moved onto the shit underneath it.

First things first. Where are you with men right now?

My mum, or another woman who raised me. If she wasn't okay, nobody was okay.

My dad, or another man who raised me. I learned to watch him before I could relax.

More than one person. I got very good at reading the room before deciding which version of myself to be.

Neither really. My childhood situation was different.

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...believing things will be different after a good day, even though something in me still doesn't feel right.

...getting pulled back in, even when I KNOW this isn't good for me.

...dating the same fucking man in a different body.

...understanding all my patterns and still putting everybody else before myself.

...doing more work on myself when what I really want is to get on with my life.

Finish this sentence: “I swear I keep...”

“I just have terrible luck with men.”

“I'm happy as long as everyone else is happy.”

Which little lie are you suspiciously good at telling yourself?

“Who the hell is this woman looking at me in the mirror?”

“People like me don't get lives like that.”

Which thought has kept you stuck the longest?

I barely notice the no. I'm too busy reading them, their mood, what they need, whether they're okay.

I feel it. The anxiety, tight chest, sick feeling, whatever it is. But I usually say yes anyway because disappointing them feels worse.

I hear the no now. I'm just still learning to trust it without explaining myself, feeling guilty or changing my mind.

I trust myself much more now. Someone else being disappointed doesn't automatically mean I've done something wrong.

What happens when your body is screaming NO, but saying yes would keep someone else happy?

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The FBI agent. Checking followers, likes, locations, last-seens, old messages... looking for proof of something I already felt.

The woman who begged, chased, went back, sent the paragraph, unsent the paragraph, blocked him, unblocked him... and then wondered who the fuck she'd become.

The shapeshifter. Different person depending on who I'm with. Easy-going when I'm hurt. Fine when I'm not. “I don't mind” when I absolutely fucking mind.

The woman who talks about the life she wants... then finds a hundred very convincing reasons not to actually go after it and shame-spirals afterwards.

Okay, which one are we taking to the f*cking grave? 😂

47 screenshots/messages from the same man followed by: “Am I overreacting?”

An embarrassing number of conversations beginning: “Why do I always attract men who...”

Enough childhood/family/boundary analysis to qualify for an honorary psychology degree.

Increasingly unhinged plans for the business, body, home, friendships, travel, relationship and entire fucking life I want next.

WHO ARE YOU ACTUALLY TRAUMA BONDED TO?

Like… who’s actually running the show?

And why do you keep choosing what hurts you?

First things first. Where are you with men right now?