Am I the Problem?

Relationship Self-Check Quiz

Sometimes we spend so much time looking at what the other person is doing that we forget to look at ourselves.

This quiz is about you and how you handle dating, communication, disagreements, and relationships.

20 questions • About 5 minutes

1. Someone you’re dating does something that bothers you. What do you do?

Get quiet or distant and wait for them to notice.

Tell them what bothered me.

Hold it in until something else happens, then bring it all up.

Give myself time to think about it before I say anything.

2. You’re arguing with someone and realize you were wrong. What do you do?

I still want them to admit what they did wrong too.

I apologize, but I also explain why I reacted the way I did.

I admit I was wrong and apologize.

I stop talking about it because I don’t want to admit I was wrong.

3. The person you’re dating normally texts you a lot, but today they’re barely responding. What do you do?

Text again because I want to know what’s going on.

Figure they’re probably busy and go on with my day.

Stop texting them too. If they can ignore me, I can ignore them.

Wonder what’s going on, but give them some time.

4. You’re really mad during an argument. What are you most likely to do?

Take some time to calm down before we talk.

Say whatever I’m thinking, even if I know it might hurt them.

Tell them why I’m mad without calling names or trying to hurt them.

Get quiet and wait for them to figure out why I’m mad.

5. Someone says, “What you did really hurt my feelings.” What do you do first?

Tell them what they did that made me react that way.

Ask what I did that hurt them.

Get defensive at first, but eventually listen.

Think they’re being too sensitive.

6. You really like someone, but there are things about them you don’t like. What do you do?

Stay and hope they’ll change over time.

Ask myself if I can be happy with them the way they are right now.

Try to help them change the things I don’t like.

Tell them what bothers me and see what happens.

7. Someone you’re dating asks you not to do something, but you don’t agree. What do you do?

Ask why they feel that way and talk about it.

Respect what they asked, even if I don’t completely understand it.

Try to convince them they’re making too big a deal out of it.

Do it anyway because I don’t think their request makes sense.

8. You have a big argument with the person you’re dating. Who do you talk to first?

A friend or family member because I want another opinion.

The person I’m having the problem with.

One person I trust so I can think things through.

A few people because I want to know what everybody thinks.

9. You’ve told someone what you need, but they still aren’t giving it to you. What do you do?

Keep waiting because maybe they’ll eventually get it.

Pull back so they can tell I’m unhappy.

Talk about it clearly, then decide if this relationship is right for me.

Try explaining it one more time in a different way.

10. Someone attractive keeps commenting on the person you’re dating’s social media. What do you do?

Check that person’s page to see who they are.

Don’t assume anything is going on just because they’re commenting.

Notice it and keep an eye on it before saying anything.

Ask the person I’m dating what’s going on.

11. The person you’re dating wants to spend Saturday with friends instead of you. How do you feel?

Fine. We don’t have to spend all our free time together.

A little disappointed, but it’s not a big deal.

Wonder why they’d rather be with their friends than me.

Get upset and make sure they know I don’t like it.

12. Think about problems you’ve had while dating or in relationships. Which sounds most like you?

I can think of things I could have done differently.

Most of the time, I only reacted because of what the other person did.

We both did things wrong.

I keep ending up with people who bring out the worst in me.

13. You’re really angry and know exactly what you could say to hurt the other person. What do you do?

I might say it and feel bad about it later.

I don’t say it because I’m not trying to hurt them on purpose.

I walk away until I calm down.

If they hurt me, I might want them to feel hurt too.

14. You want the person you’re dating to do something special for you. What do you do?

Drop hints and see if they catch on.

Tell them what I’d like.

Mention it casually and hope they remember.

Don’t say anything. If I have to ask, it doesn’t mean as much.

15. You keep having the same problem in different relationships. What do you think?

I keep choosing the wrong people.

I need to look at what I might be doing too.

I need to look at both who I’m choosing and how I act in relationships.

Dating is just bad these days.

16. Someone tells you, “I don’t like how you talk to me when you’re mad.” What do you do?

Ask them what I’ve said or done that bothers them.

Tell them I’ll work on it, but explain that they make me mad sometimes too.

Think about what they’re saying and whether they’re right.

Tell them I wouldn’t talk that way if they didn’t make me so mad.

17. Your quiz result says some of your own behavior may be hurting your relationships. What’s your first thought?

I want to know what I’m doing so I can work on it.

Maybe, but there’s probably more to the story.

They’d have to know what I’ve been through before saying that.

No. The people I’ve dated are the problem.

18. What is your gender?

19. What is your age?

20. What is your relationship status?

It’s complicated

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