Page 1 of 12

Who Is Driving Your Life?

You contain all of the Twelve Men. The question is: which one tends to take the wheel when life puts you under pressure?

This assessment is designed to help you notice the patterns that may be shaping your decisions, relationships and reactions—often without you realizing it.

Answer based on how you have actually lived during the last 90 days, not the man you believe you should be.

There are no right or wrong answers. When more than one response feels familiar, choose the one that most closely describes your first or most automatic reaction, especially when you're under pressure.

Don't overthink it. Choose what feels most true.

1. Someone important to you is clearly disappointed with
a decision you've made. What happens first?

I start wondering whether I should change my decision or explain myself better

I focus on their feelings and try to restore harmony between us

I become guarded and reveal less until I know where I stand

I hold my position and prepare to defend what I believe is right

2. A plan you've invested heavily in suddenly starts falling apart. Your instinct is to…

Take charge, reorganize and get things back under control

Work harder and make sure I can still deliver

Feel the familiar frustration that circumstances keep getting in the way

Look for something that will take the edge off and give me a break from it

3. You unexpectedly have an entire day with no obligations. What are you most likely to do?

Find something productive to accomplish; doing nothing feels uncomfortable

Look for something spontaneous, physical, adventurous or different

Gravitate toward connection, beauty, affection or something that moves me emotionally

Reach for something familiar that lets me switch off, zone out or comfortably fill the time

4. Someone gives you feedback that hits a nerve. Your first internal reaction is closest to…

Do they think less of me now?

They don't understand everything I've done or what I'm dealing with

I need to explain, defend myself or get some distance from this

Fine. I'll show them what I'm capable of

5. Someone you care about is struggling and asks for your help. You tend to…

Take responsibility for making them feel better, even if it costs me

Step in with direction, structure and a strong sense of what they should do

Start solving the problem and organizing what needs to happen

Stay emotionally close and feel their experience deeply, sometimes almost as if it were mine

6. You're angry with someone you love. What is most likely to happen?

I soften or suppress what I really want to say because I don't want to damage the relationship

I confront it directly and can become focused on proving my point or winning

I shut down, detach or create distance until I feel safer

I try to get us back to okay, sometimes before I've figured out what I actually feel

7. You've just achieved something you've worked hard for. After the initial satisfaction…

My attention quickly moves to the next goal

I want to celebrate intensely—go out, feel alive, break routine

I most want to share the experience with someone who matters to me

I immediately start thinking about the people who helped me and what they may need from me next

8. You don't know how an important situation is going to turn out. You notice yourself…

Getting restless and wanting to get out, move, do something spontaneous or feel alive rather than sit with the uncertainty

Reaching for something familiar that helps me stop thinking or feeling about it for a while

Preparing myself emotionally for being let down or hurt

Thinking about all the reasons the situation may be stacked against me

9. Someone close to you wants something from you that you genuinely don't want to give. Your first impulse is to…

Say yes, or at least make a very good case for why I might have to say no

Feel responsible for how my no will affect them

Set the boundary firmly; if they push, I push back

Pull away from the interaction rather than stay exposed to their reaction

10. Life has become predictable and responsible—but something in you feels flat. What do you tend to crave?

Intensity, risk, freedom or something that makes me feel wild again

A person or connection that makes me feel deeply alive

A substance, behavior, screen, food, work or other escape that changes how I feel

A new challenge or accomplishment that gives me momentum again

11. You're leading something important and another person isn't meeting your expectations. You tend to…

Step in and take over because I know I can get it done properly

Become more demanding and push them to rise to the standard

Become disappointed, critical or withdrawn because I expected more from them

Compensate by doing more myself so the outcome still reflects well on me

12. You've been hurt badly by someone and they never really take responsibility. Over time, you're most vulnerable to…

Staying attached to the injustice and what they should have done differently

Closing part of myself so they—or anyone else—can't hurt me that way again

Wanting to confront them and make sure they understand exactly what they did

Longing for reconnection, understanding or emotional closure from them

13. When people depend on you, what can become difficult?

I start carrying responsibility that really belongs to them

I can become controlling because I feel responsible for the outcome

I can start measuring my value by how much I provide or accomplish for them

I can become attached to being the authority, guide or one who knows what they need

14. You've promised yourself you'll stop a behavior that isn't serving you. Then you have a terrible week. You're most likely to…

Reach for it anyway and tell myself I'll reset tomorrow

Feel defeated and think, “Of course I'm back here again.”

Clamp down harder and impose stricter rules on myself

Hide the struggle because I don't want anyone to see me failing

15. A relationship you care about starts feeling emotionally distant. Your first instinct is to…

Work harder to restore closeness and figure out what the other person needs

Wonder what I've done wrong or whether they're unhappy with me

Seek reassurance, affection or intensity that tells me the connection is still alive

Protect myself by needing them less

16. Someone openly challenges your authority in front of other people. What gets activated first?

I want to re-establish control of the situation immediately

I feel the challenge and want to meet it head-on

I become concerned about how I now look to everyone watching

I feel the need to assert my role, experience or authority

17. After months of responsibility and doing what you're supposed to do, an opportunity appears that feels exciting but risky. You tend to…

Want to take it precisely because I need to feel free and alive again

Focus first on everything that could go wrong and how to protect against it

Think about who might be disappointed or affected if I choose it

Find myself thinking about who I'd want beside me and what sharing the experience could open between us

18. You realize you've made a decision that hurt someone. What's the hardest part?

Tolerating that they may remain disappointed with me even after I apologize

Staying present when part of me wants to explain why I did what I did

Resisting the urge to focus on what they did that contributed to the situation

Accepting that being the responsible or authoritative one doesn't excuse my impact

19. You're carrying something painful that you don't really want to feel. What is your most familiar detour?

Find something that changes my state quickly

Find something intense, physical or rebellious that makes me feel alive instead

Focus on the person or circumstances responsible for why I feel this way

Turn the energy into action, discipline or a fight I can do something about

20. Someone younger, less experienced or dependent on you makes a mistake you've warned them about before. Your instinct is closest to…

Correct them firmly and make sure the lesson lands

Step in and fix the situation myself

Smooth things over so they don't feel too bad about it

Let my frustration become sharper or more forceful than the situation really requires

21. You feel a strong attraction, desire or impulse that doesn't fit neatly with the life you've built. Your first reaction is to…

Find myself drawn to the connection and imagining what it might feel like to be deeply seen, wanted or met by someone

Feel pulled toward the intensity because it wakes something up in me

Look for a private way to satisfy or soothe the urge without having to deal with everything underneath it

Think about what it means for the people who rely on me and the man I'm supposed to be

22. You find yourself in a painful situation you've been in before. Which thought feels most familiar?

I need something that will make this feeling stop

Here we go again. Somehow I always end up here.

I need to get out, get moving or do something that makes me feel alive

I should be able to handle this. Other people are counting on me.