The Valence Assessment

score_signal

score_selection

score_reading

score_decision

score_connection

Show the full range — some polished photos, some candid/unfiltered ones

Put the best version forward — every photo and word is optimized for attraction

Keep it minimal — you'd rather be underestimated than oversell

Agonize over it — you're never sure what to show vs. hide

Match what you think your ideal partner would be attracted to

1. You're updating your dating profile. Your approach is:

I'd rather someone reject the real me than accept a version I performed

I'd rather make a strong first impression and reveal the real me gradually

2. Which feels more true?

Say you don't know much about it and ask them to explain

Ask questions to seem engaged without admitting ignorance

Change the subject to something you're more confident about

Offer a vague opinion that sounds informed

Admit ignorance enthusiastically — you like learning from people

3. On a first date, the other person asks about a topic you know nothing about. You:

4. I sometimes realize, a few dates in, that I've been performing a version of myself that I can't sustain.

Mention it briefly — you share your life as it happens

Hide it completely — you don't want to seem negative or unstable

Reference it if asked but don't bring it up unprompted

Use it as a connection opportunity — ask if they've ever dealt with something similar

Cancel — you can't show up as your "best self" right now

5. Something happened at work that upset you. You have a date tonight. You:

They saw the curated version — I wonder if they'd like the rest

6. When someone likes you after a first date, your instinct is:

Engage anyway — rigid criteria often filter out good people

Ignore the match — your criteria exist for a reason

Check if the preference is a true dealbreaker or just a preference

It depends entirely on how attractive I find them otherwise

7. You match with someone whose profile is interesting but doesn't check one of your stated preferences (age range, height, career, location). You:

Reliably kind, trustworthy, and emotionally stable (even if chemistry is moderate)

Strong physical and intellectual chemistry (even if emotional steadiness is inconsistent)

They match well — I date who I say I want

There's a gap — I'm attracted to something different from what I say I value

I don't have clear enough criteria to compare

My criteria shift depending on who I'm attracted to in the moment

I have criteria but I make exceptions for chemistry

Go on a second date — one data point isn't enough

Trust your gut — if there's no spark, there's no point

Evaluate: was it 'no chemistry' or 'nervous/first-date awkwardness'?

Probably don't go again but tell yourself you should

Already mentally move on — there are other options

I date fewer people but invest more attention in evaluating each one

I date more people to compare — volume helps me figure out what I want

Trust the pattern over the words — actions are the data

Give benefit of the doubt — maybe they're going through something

Ask them about it directly — name the inconsistency

Notice it but wait to see if it changes on its own

Blame yourself — maybe I'm being too demanding