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When Your Previous Sense of Self No Longer Fits

An anonymous research questionnaire on identity shifts, personal crisis, perception changes and what happens afterwards.

I am currently gathering anonymous reflections from people who have gone through a significant period of personal change, crisis, inner questioning, identity disruption, or a shift in how they understood themselves.

I am especially interested in the difference between a difficult life event, a healing process, a spiritual or emotional opening, and a deeper shift where the previous way of understanding oneself no longer feels fully true, stable, or inhabitable.

You do not need to know what kind of experience you had before answering. Some people may have experienced a clear turning point. Others may have gone through a crisis, awakening, burnout, grief, relationship change, career collapse, motherhood, illness, therapy, spiritual practice, plant medicine experience, or a gradual inner reorganisation. All of these responses may be useful.

This questionnaire is for research and framework development only. It is not therapy, diagnosis, coaching, or personal advice. Please do not include identifying details unless you choose to leave your contact information at the end.

Most questions are optional, but a few are required so I can understand the basic shape of the experience. Please answer in your own words where possible. There are no right or wrong answers.

Most people complete this in around 10 to 15 minutes. If you answer the reflective questions in more depth, it may take 15 to 20 minutes or slightly longer.

Thank you for contributing to this ongoing research.

Privacy note

Your answers are anonymous unless you choose to leave your name or email address at the end.

If I refer to any patterns from the responses in future writing, teaching or research material, I will not use names or identifying details.

Please only share what feels appropriate.

Section 1: Basic context

What is your age range?

Age range

18 - 24

25 - 34

35 - 44

45 - 54

55 - 64

65+

Prefer not to say

Which of these best describes the period you are reflecting on?

Experience type

A personal crisis

A spiritual awakening or spiritual opening

Burnout or collapse

Grief or loss

Relationship breakdown or divorce

Motherhood / parenthood / family change

Career or business crisis

A period of therapy, healing or inner work

Plant medicine or psychedelic experience

A gradual loss of connection with my previous life or identity

A sudden shift in how I saw myself

A long period of questioning who I really am

Other

Roughly how long ago did this experience begin?

Experience began

It is happening now

Less than 3 months ago

3–12 months ago

1–3 years ago

3–7 years ago

More than 7 years ago

I'm not sure

Section 2: The nature of the shift

Did this experience change your understanding of who you are?

Changed understanding of self

Yes, clearly

Yes, but only partially

Possibly, but I am not sure

No, it changed my life circumstances more than my sense of self

No, it was mainly emotional, practical or situational

Other / not sure

Which statement feels closest to your experience?

Closest experience statement

I went through something difficult, but I still felt like the same person underneath.

I changed my behaviour, choices or circumstances, but my deeper sense of self did not change much.

I felt more open, free, peaceful or authentic, but I am not sure the deeper patterns guiding my life actually changed.

Something about who I thought I was stopped feeling true or stable.

I could no longer organise myself through the same roles, beliefs, goals or identity.

I saw my previous sense of self differently, almost as if I could see how it had been constructed.

None of these fully fit.

Other

Did the experience feel more like a sudden event, a gradual process, or both?

Sudden or gradual

A clear sudden moment

A gradual process

Both: gradual build-up with a clear turning point

Both: a sudden shift followed by a long unfolding

I cannot tell

Other

During this experience, did something you previously identified with stop feeling fully true, or stop being able to guide you in the same way?

What lost authority

Yes, very clearly

Yes, somewhat

Possibly, but I did not have language for it

I am not sure

If yes or possibly, what lost authority or stopped feeling fully true?

Section 3: What changed in perception

What changed in how you saw yourself? Please describe this as simply and concretely as you can. For example, did you see your old identity, role, beliefs, ambitions, relationships, coping patterns, life direction, or self-image differently and how?

9. Did you feel that the previous version of you was…?

Previous version felt like

Still true, but changing

No longer fully true

Built around survival, coping or adaptation

Built around achievement, responsibility or performance

Built around belonging, approval or being needed

Built around spiritual, moral, emotional or intellectual identity

Built around a role I could no longer inhabit

Partly shaped by other people’s expectations, needs or approval.

Not false, but too small or incomplete

I did not experience it this way

Other

Which of these best describes the inner experience at the time?

Inner experience

Relief

Clarity

Disorientation

Grief

Fear

Emptiness

Freedom

Expansion

Collapse

Numbness

Recognition

Loss of certainty

A sense of “I cannot go back”

A sense of “I do not know who I am now”

A sense of “I finally see what was happening”

A sense of “something deeper in me is coming forward”

Other

Section 4: Before the shift

Before this experience, what were you actively seeking or trying to resolve?

Seeking before

Emotional healing

Relief from pain, anxiety, burnout or inner pressure

A clearer sense of purpose

Spiritual growth or awakening

A better relationship with myself

A better relationship with others

Career or business clarity

A sense of identity or “who I really am”

Freedom from old patterns

More authenticity or self-expression

More peace, openness or inner stability

I was not consciously seeking anything

Other

What do you think created the conditions for this experience? This could include life pressure, crisis, therapy, healing work, spiritual practice, plant medicine, grief, burnout, motherhood, relationship change, career change, illness, repeated dissatisfaction, inner questioning, or something else.

Section 5: Immediately afterwards

What happened in the weeks or months afterwards? Please describe what changed in your inner world, daily life, relationships, work, decisions, body, emotions, spirituality, self-expression, or sense of direction.

In the first 6 to 12 months afterwards, what did you find yourself doing most? Select all that apply. This may include conscious choices, automatic responses, or things you only recognise in hindsight. You do not need to have done these things consistently for the whole period. Choose what shaped your response most strongly during that first year.

Aftermath strategy

Make sense of what had happened

Make adjustments and try to return to normal

Heal, regulate or stabilise myself

Deal with overwhelm, emotional intensity or inner instability

Change my mindset and move forward

Find or build a new identity, role, purpose or direction

Question everything I had believed about myself, life or reality

Actively search for deeper answers

Deconstruct my previous identity, beliefs or sense of reality

Seek to understand who I really was underneath old roles, patterns or expectations

Make major life changes quickly

Slow down, reduce external input and give myself space to process

Seek therapy, coaching, mentoring or guidance

Seek spiritual meaning, spiritual practice or spiritual guidance

Use astrology, Human Design, Gene Keys, personality systems or similar frameworks

Read, research or consume a lot of information

Change career, business or creative direction

Develop or follow a new practice, modality or healing path

Leave or change relationships

Reduce contact with people or external demands so I could process what was happening

Withdraw because I felt overwhelmed, unstable or unable to engage normally

Ignore it, minimise it or carry on as before

I did not know what to do

Other

If you selected several, which one felt most dominant in the first few months afterwards?

Did the experience make it harder or easier to function in ordinary life at first?

Functioning afterwards

Much easier

Somewhat easier

No major change

Somewhat harder

Much harder

It changed depending on the area of life

I am not sure

Other

Did you feel more internally clear, or more internally destabilised afterwards?

Clear or destabilised

Much clearer

Somewhat clearer

Both clearer and destabilised

Mostly destabilised

Numb or detached rather than clear

It changed over time

I am not sure

Section 6: Longer-term outcome

Looking back now, what seems to have changed most over time? Choose the closest option, even if more than one partly applies.

Longer-term change pattern

My life circumstances changed, but underneath I still feel mostly organised in the same way.

I changed some behaviours, choices or relationships, but I do not think my deeper sense of self changed very much.

I felt more open, peaceful, healed or authentic for a while, but over time I noticed that deeper patterns still kept returning.

I developed a new explanation, identity, framework or story about myself, and that helped me make sense of things.

I kept questioning, deconstructing or revisiting who I was, but without feeling that anything fully settled.

What changed was not only how I thought about myself, but what seemed to guide my decisions, relationships and expression.

I am still in the middle of it and cannot tell yet.

I do not know yet.

Other

After everything that changed, what do you now feel you understand more clearly about yourself?

Current self-understanding

I understand my emotions or reactions better.

I understand my past patterns, wounds or coping strategies better.

I understand the roles I was playing or trying to maintain.

I understand the beliefs, stories or expectations that shaped my previous identity.

I have a clearer sense of what matters to me now.

I have a clearer sense of what I want my life to look like.

I have a clearer felt sense of myself underneath roles, expectations or old patterns.

I can recognise more clearly what is truly mine and what came from adaptation, pressure or other people’s expectations.

I can see what tends to organise my choices, reactions, relationships or expression.

I can sense something deeper in me, but I still cannot fully explain or stabilise it.

I mostly have a new identity, role, purpose or self-concept that feels more fitting.

I am still questioning or deconstructing too much to say.

I feel less certain about who I am than before.

I do not think the question “who am I?” works for me in the same way anymore.

I am not sure

Other

What do you understand now that you did not understand before? You might write about your patterns, previous identity, relationships, work, body, choices, sense of purpose, or what seemed to be guiding your life from underneath. Please answer in your own language. A few sentences are enough.

Section 7: Optional follow-up

Optional: leave your email if you are open to follow-up questions or would like to stay connected with this research.

Follow-up permission

I am open to answering a few deeper follow-up questions.

I would like to receive occasional updates about this research.

I would like a link to your Substack / writing.

This research is exploratory in nature and does not assume any particular explanation for the experiences described. Its purpose is to identify recurring observations and patterns across different people and contexts.