Where are you with forgiveness?

Twelve questions, about two minutes. Bring to mind one specific person and one specific hurt, and answer about that — not about forgiveness in general.

This places you on Enright's four-phase model of forgiveness (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2000), using items written around the motivations the research measures: avoidance, revenge and benevolence. It is a reflective tool, not a clinical or diagnostic test, and it has not been validated as a psychometric instrument. Nothing you write is stored against your name.

I find myself going over what happened again and again.

Part of me wants them to get what they deserve.

I keep my distance from them where I can.

Thinking about it still stirs something up in my body — tension, heat, a tight chest.

I would find it hard to genuinely wish them well.

I avoid places, people or conversations that remind me of it.

I have decided — as a deliberate choice, not a feeling — that I want to put down this resentment.

I can see the person who hurt me as a whole human being, flaws and history included.

I have actively worked on this: talked it through, written about it, or sat with it on purpose.

I can hold the memory clearly without it taking over the rest of my day.

Something worth having has come out of how I have responded to this.

I can set a firm boundary with them without needing them to suffer for it.