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Repair Intensive Quiz

Not safe yet

Waiting for them

Ready to repair

Stuck at acknowledgement

Stuck at apology

Stuck at accountability

Stuck at amend

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Q1 When you think about this relationship, what's most true?

We both know it's broken, but no one's named it out loud yet

I've tried to bring it up, but they deflect or minimise it

They've acknowledged something's wrong, but not the full extent of the damage

We've both clearly acknowledged what happened and the impact it's had

I'm not sure what needs acknowledging—I just know something's off

Q2 When describing the damage to a trusted colleague, you'd explain that:

"There was a specific incident that broke trust, and we've never addressed it"

"It's been a slow deterioration—lots of small things that built up over time"

"They did something that crossed a line, and I can't unsee it"

"We both played a part, but they won't admit theirs"

"I'm not entirely sure what went wrong, but the relationship doesn't work anymore"

Waiting for the,

Q3 When the two of you are in the same meeting, what happens?

We avoid eye contact and speak through other people

We're professionally polite, but everyone can feel the tension

One of us dominates whilst the other withdraws

We clash openly—it's uncomfortable for everyone

We function fine in public, but avoid one-to-one contact

Q4 Has anyone apologised for what happened to you?

Yes—they've apologised and focused on how it affected me, not just their intent

Sort of—they said "sorry you felt that way" or explained why they did it

No—they've defended their actions or blamed circumstances

No—and I haven't apologised for my part either

I'm the one who should apologise, but I haven't found the right moment

Q5 When you imagine them apologising, what would you need to hear?

"I see the impact this had on you, and I'm sorry"

"I was wrong to do that, and I take full responsibility"

"I understand why you're hurt, and I want to repair this"

Honestly? I don't think any apology would be enough at this point

I'm not waiting for an apology—I just want the relationship to function again

Q6 If you're the one at fault, what's stopping you from apologising?

I'm worried it will make things worse or be used against me

This doesn't apply—I'm not the one who caused the damage

Q7 Has anyone taken clear responsibility for what happened?

Yes—they've owned their specific actions and the consequences

Vaguely—lots of "we both" or "it was a difficult situation"

No—they've blamed me, the team, or circumstances

I've taken responsibility for my part, but they haven't acknowledged the issue

Q8 When you think about your part in what happened (even if you’ve been hurt), what's most true?

I can see where I contributed, and I'm willing to own it

I played a part, but theirs was bigger—I'm not owning mine until they own theirs

I didn't do anything wrong—this is entirely on them

I'm not sure what I contributed, but I'm open to understanding it

I've owned my part repeatedly, but they still won't own theirs

Q9 If someone asked you to describe exactly what happened (who did what, when, and why did they do it), could you?

Yes—I could give a clear, specific account without blame or justification

Probably—but I'd struggle to separate facts from my interpretation

No—it's all tangled up in emotion and competing narratives

Yes, but they'd tell a completely different story

I could describe what they did wrong, but I'm less clear on my part